A simple Google search reveals a host of negative remarks South Africans have made about the abysmal new EASIGAS “when you’re hot you’re hot” TV commercial. Yes, the one that was created in PowerPoint and involves [what looks like] EASIGAS employees and friends and family thereof removing their winter clothing because, you guessed it, they’re hot! EASIGAS, your product may be hot, but your advertising is most certainly not. Why not turn the heap of negative press you’re getting into something positive and beneficial to your brand image and reputation? Admit that your recent TVC is prime-time drivel and appeal to your beloved (and savvy) South African consumer for both forgiveness and assistance. Turn the bad press into a brand opportunity by letting consumers take a stab at creating a better ad. Perhaps you create a web-page (yours is in dire need of a face-lift) or micro-site where these user-generated ads are uploaded, the top 10 voted on and the winner awarded with the production or flighting of his/her ad and a fabulous prize.

Use it, don’t use it, but please EASIGAS, save us all from your bad advertising.

brandslut xoxo

The Good

And Another Goodie

The Bad

The Ugly

That’s my take on 2011′s Super Bowl commercials. Here for the expert opinions via USA Today.

brandslut xoxo

Violet Explosion

Those who follow me on Twitter know I have a problem with the badly dressed windows at Queenspark. Once upon a time I used to peruse the rails of the store because the window display invited me in. These days I have to hold the bile down as I’m accosted, regularly, with what I describe as a ‘violet explosion‘. Vom.

Seriously Queenspark, reevaluate your window dressing strategy. Fire someone. Hire someone. Take a leaf from your peers at Woolies, Country Road and Forever New. Get creative, use your space and levels properly, and FFS lose the obsession with violet. I know I’m not your target market, but your audience deserves a little more credit, don’t you think?

brandslut xoxo

I spotted this whilst watching Grey’s Anatomy last night and had to restrain myself from stabbing myself to death with a blunt knife (no scalpel needed) to avoid being subjected to the cheese one second longer. Roman’s Pizza, have we all been Punkd? Now whilst I understand that your unique selling proposition is cheese (insightful) and this forms the cornerstone of all of your advertising, but this most recent addition to your Tower of Cheesa is beyond cuck. Surely it’s possible to be cheesy AND tasteful/intelligent.

WTFrikkadel Roman’s Pizza? I think it’s time to fire your agency or whoever it is that’s making these poor ‘creative’ decisions.

Bad Pizza, Worse Advertising.

brandslut xoxo

I always accept the flyers that are handed out at intersections because a. the poor sod handing them out is just doing a job and b., every now and then you stumble upon an absolute gem. You know you’re in for a treat when the opening sentence is:

“DR. DAVID has been legalised to import the [Mulondo] herbal remedy, which has been naturally pounded and squeezed from the roots of the Mulondo tree, used for thousands of years in Uganda to make men’s penis big and strong permanently.”

Dr. David is also able to cure the following needs/ailments

• Bad smell
• Want to make it tight
• Divorce matters (7 days only)
• Bring back lost lover no matter how long
• Protection against your enemies
• Customer attraction
• Bless your money with luck so as to multiply
  
• Witchcraft removed and seen with your eyes
• Want to know enemies and get rid of them?

And that, my friends, is why I love living in Africa.

If you’d like to reach Dr. David in his swanky new offices in Sandton, nogal, he can be reached on 073 278 0247, 24 hours a day.

brandslut xoxo

A Colossal Waste of Money

Flicking through the latest edition of Marie Claire last night, the one with Emma Watson and her new pixie crop on the cover looking gorgeous, I noticed a rather superfluous and indulgent 4 page advertising spread by my favourites, Cell C. I paged through the spread and couldn’t figure out the gist of the campaign – it seemed like all the other Cell C fluff to me. And I carried on merrily reading my magazine. I was about to call it a night when I noticed that the last page of the campaign was abnormally thick, as though something had been hidden inside it. I ripped the page open [with difficultly] to discover what appeared to be a sound recording device of sorts. Huh? Had I been bugged by Cell C?

The answer is no, which I realised after I’d flicked the device around a few times, because out roared Trevor Noah and “Welcome to the world of Cell C, the power is in your hands”. Or at least this is what I think he said, because I could only get the thing to work once. So I hadn’t been bugged at all, I’d in fact fallen victim to Cell C  attempting to be cutting edge and innovative in their advertising, except the gadget didn’t work when I turned the page.

What a load of bollocks.

Wouldn’t investing this [now wasted] money into the community add more value to the brand? Imagine erecting pop-up phone booths across the country, allowing South Africans the opportunity to call loved ones for free for a day, or a week, or whatever. Or how about sponsoring Cell C communications bursaries at tertiary institutions nationwide? Just a couple of thoughts. Use them, don’t use them.

I’m sorry Ogilvy, but this ineffective spread isn’t very memorable, cutting edge or innovative at all. It’s wasteful. And it reminds me of those cheesy cards that sing happy birthday to you. Sis.

brandslut xoxo

Mullet Barbie

Especially for the cane & cream-soda drinking okes in Debben

Now, it’s a Saturday morning and I’m not in the mood to get all serious (say that in your best  Kipp from Napoleon Dynamite accent) and discuss trade unions and why South Africans are up in arms about the potential buy-out, so read the full Mail & Guardian article here.